A Tiny Star That Cannot Shine

Juggernaut, or Nau as he preferred to be called, gazed out of the window of the cold manse where he stays. Silence filled the entire cold place. Nau sighed forlornly, turning his head towards his silent companion who sits at the far end of the room. He approached her slowly, the heels of his shoes clicking on the marble floor. His eyes, filled with sadness and despair, are fixed on his guest. The sad curve of his mouth shows how much he is trying to hold back his tears.

"You who have always shone so brightly," he thought as he reached out to touch his guest's face. "Like the rising sun, like the brightest star in the galaxy, have lost all light and joy. Your smile which is gentle and kind, that brings joy to anyone who see it, is now lost and have been replaced by a cold and sad expression."

Nau sighed as he knelt down in front of his guest. "My Queen..." he almost sobbed, laying his head down on her lap like a child would. He reached out to hold her hand, all the while still trying not to let his emotions get to him.

"You who have given everything that makes you whole..." Nau whispered sadly. "You who had always have a big warm heart that accepts anyone despite of their flaws, whose warm laughters and gentle wit makes anyone at ease is now cold to the touch, lifeless and devoid of any laughter or smile."

Nau closed his eyes, sifting through the Queen's memories which he peculiarly shares. "You who always take delight in holding your King's hand, even if you are not talking of anything significant...You who always smile despite of wanting to cry just to make your King feel relieve that you are okay...Despite of being left behind in this cold place, you still reach out your hand and yearn to be able to hold your King's hand..."


Nau fitted his hand to the Queen's and held on to it tightly as he brought it close to his eyes which are brimming with unshed tears.

"Just how much of a big heart do you have, even if you don't show it to everyone around you?" he asked quietly. "You who always want to help people in your silent ways...Doing everything you can silently on your own for your family, even when you want to give up and just cry when misunderstood by everyone around you...How come you are not tired by it?"

A cold wind gently blew into the room and Nau slowly lifted his head to get his bearings back. "The winds are getting colder...I will not permit it to make you ill." Nau said as he got up and went over to the window. He closed the window and pulled the sheer curtains close. He turned to look back at the passive Queen, seeing her memories in his mind yet again.

"You have always sought comfort and warmth in the Princess's company whenever the King is not around." Nau said, going back to his place in front of the Queen, kneeling in front of her and taking both of her hands in his as he looked into her dark, vacant eyes. "For how long do I have to wait to see you smile and hear your laugh? To see the light in your eyes as you shine brightly again? For how long do I have to see you like this, reduced to a tiny star that has forgotten to twinkle?"

Nau heard a door close and he turned his head towards it, standing in front of the Queen, his weapon in his hand.

"But no matter how long I have to wait, I will protect you." Nau thought, straining his eyes and ears for the intruder. "Until then, I will be the one who'll wipe your tears and comfort you when you need it the most. I will wait until I see your gentle smile and hear you laugh from your heart, for the coldness to be dispersed from your heart which is locked..."


He was ready to attack the intruder that reached their chamber, only to get a whiff of the familiar scent of the Cheshire Cat.

"I've been wondering why you've been so quiet all these time." the Cat said conversationally. "The people of Wonderland seems getting complacent because you've holed up once again with the Queen they're desperate to see and be with again."

Nau harrumphed. "Getting complacent because I am no longer lashing out whenever My Queen is despairing and in need to grasp what is left of her joyful self? Them, who are content in this Wonderland that My Queen did not really want to turn out like this?"

The Cheshire Cat sat down at the Queen's feet, looking at the angry Juggernaut. "I'm getting pretty jealous for you keep calling the Queen as yours. She is also My Queen, you know, for you and I are one." he said, bemused. "The first Irregulars in Wonderland, who keeps the Queen company."

Nau rolled his eyes. "You prefer to dally with the Originals."

"But it is Her Majesty's wishes." The Cat said flippantly. "Isn't that what the Cheshire Cat's role in all of those stories they tell? That the Cheshire Cat is neutral, ridiculous and the voice of the story? Our Alice is really lost on what to do so I'm just trying to...'help', if you want to call it that. Plus, it's fun needling the Twins."

o~o

Ah, so many mistakes in the drawings because of instability.

But I like experimenting on the clothes, since it's been a long time I drew such stuff...

My Dearest, My Princess

Alice sat glumly beside the young Mad Hatter, not even touching the tea Mr. Bear, Mad Hatter's "manservant", had poured for her.

"What is wrong, little Alice?" the Mad Hatter asked.

Alice gave out a heavy sigh. "The Cheshire Cat told me of a story not so long ago about the Royal Family and the Queen Mother and I don't know if I should believe it or not."

"Ah," the Mad Hatter sighed. "The Cheshire Cat is not allowed to lie, only to speak of truth in forms of riddles and stories."

"So you're saying what he said is true?" Alice said. "That everything here is just created by some depressed Queen Mother to take everyone's place?"

The Mad Hatter smiled bitterly. "I am one of the few that remains from the Original, like you."

"And the Royal Family?"

"They were just commoners before." the Mad Hatter said. "Until the Queen Mother decided that she cannot rule and continue to create Wonderland in her condition."

They heard a derisive chuckle from the other end of the table and the two of them looked. It was the Cheshire Cat.

"Another story telling, Cat?" the Mad Hatter sighed. Mr. Bear poured another cup of tea for the Cheshire Cat who sidled up to them.

"It is the only way for the Little Lost Girl to regain her memories, as well as preserve the History of Wonderland." the Cat said, taking a sip of the tea. Alice was about to ask what does the Cat means of regaining her memories when the Cat made another gesture and portraits appeared yet again.

"Once, there was a lovely Princess living in a far away kingdom." the Cheshire Cat started. "They say she has everything, that she is very blessed to have beauty and knowledge, for you see the Princess is quite the scholar and enjoys studying and the company of her books more than anything else in the kingdom."

"That's some extreme introvert Princess." Alice muttered. The Cheshire Cat gave her a look that silenced her. The Mad Hatter only chuckled sadly.

"Her people loves her so much and they live quite happily together." The Cat continued. "However, happy the people may be, but the Princess isn't wholly happy. Yes, she is happily content, yet there is this yearning in her heart to be loved by a man."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Typical."

"Do you want me to finish or not?" the Cat asked pointedly. Alice made the continue motion.

"And so, a number of young lower nobles courted the Princess. None were successful save for one. A young Viscount who managed to win her favour." The Cat continued. "Though their love may be short-lived, the Princess is greatly hurt by it in the end that she vowed she will not be swayed and swept off her feet by sweet words and their overly exquisite charm, and along that she had lost the bright smile that warms peoples' hearts. And many suitors were turned down.

"But another young noble, dared to approach her one day and said thus,

'Such face does not suit you, my lady. Pray thence, smile to bring back the joy in people's hearts as well as to make you ever so beautiful again.'

'I will not be swayed by such sweet words, sir Knight.' the Princess replied, recognizing him as the Black Knight who's starting to be popular. 'More so by men who use their charm to get women instead using their sincerity.'

"Funny, normally they make use of Knights in shiny white armours in our versions." Alice muttered to herself. The Mad Hatter stifled a chuckle.

'Alas,' the Knight said dramatically, 'I am not one of those men whom you bespeak, men who uses means to get women. I am the latter, who uses sincerity and true love.'

'You cannot fool me.' the Princess replied haughtily. 'Men are all the same. Once they get the woman, after a few months they leave since there's no longer joy and glory in brandishing trophies and will move on to get another one.'

The Knight held out a hand to her. 'Let me be the one to change your views, my lady. I am not really one to woo women with sweet, lying words. Many says I am not the most charming Knight, for they do not understand how much I will treasure the woman I will love forever.'

'Forever is presumptuous,' the Princess said. 'Not many would stay that way for long.'

The Knight held her hand to his heart. 'Then let me change your views.' "

The Cheshire Cat took a long sip of the tea, leaving Alice a little annoyed.

"And then?" Alice asked.

"Oh, I didn't know you were so interested in the story." the Cat said, putting on an innocent look. Alice glowered and the Cat just laughed in his seat.

"The story is like any other." the Mad Hatter said gently. "They lived for a few years happily, the Knight's heart soaring whenever he hears her laugh or see her smile, with the Princess giving everything of her to the man who had changed her views. He calls her 'My little Princess', and she calls him 'My Dearest' and wore their rings as if married already. And then one day, he went missing, leaving the poor Princess hurt and crying once more."

"And the Princess went missing also, along with her smile yet again. Probably locked herself up in the garden of calla lilies, roses and irises where they spend a lot of time together." the Cheshire Cat added, lounging in his seat. "Though the ending is more like some cliff hanger...no one really knows what the ending is."

Alice frowned. "Hang on, that sounds familiar..."

The Cat grinned. "Of course, the story's an allegory of Wonderland, little Alice. Didn't I just say it's a way to preserve the History of Wonderland?"

o~o

Yeah well. Made a lot of mistakes in drawing. Hard to draw when one's mind and hand are not stable, with the danger of tears spilling all over my limited papers at hand. But hey, I like the clothes at the last two drawings, thanks to xxxHolic's Yuko with a few modifications.

I was too lazy to redraw the whole Black Knight again on that tiny piece of paper (running out of pen ink and sketchpad space) so here's the link for the complete one: Of Knights and Fire Emblem

Of Royal Hearts

The Cheshire Cat appeared in front of Alice as she sat idly in the white roses garden the Queen owns.
"Why so glum, little girl?" the Cat asked. Alice sighed and gestured around her.


"The Queen of Hearts is partial to red, yet her roses are white." Alice said. "It just makes me wonder why is that? And the palace is devoid of any joy despite of the Queen Mother deposed and missing..."


"Ah..." The Cheshire Cat grinned. "Let me tell you the story of the Royal Family and of why Wonderland is such a glum place..."


Alice sat up intently. The Cheshire Cat gestured and two portraits of the Royal family appeared.

"To the left is the original Royal Hearts. Every day, the Queen and the King, along with the Prince and Princess, would go to the garden full of red roses that bloomed from the first six roses the King gave to the Queen when they were betrothed and have fun by the swing. Every day is full of joy and overflowing love from the King and Queen. Granted, the Queen may be a little bit eccentric in her festivals but everyone enjoys it. Lively music, hearty laughters and big smiles are abundant in the streets of Wonderland."


"Hang on," Alice interrupted. "I don't see the current Queen there..."


The Cheshire Cat shushed Alice and gestured to the right.
"This is the current Royal Family, as you know. But the King and Queen aren't really related to the Queen Mother, hence they do not have the absolute power to bring back the bright splendour of Wonderland."


"And what lies are you spouting now, Cheshire Cat?" the Knave, or Jack as he prefer to be called, of Hearts, the current Royal Prince, said as he stepped into the garden. The Cheshire Cat gave "The Messenger" bow to the Prince.


"You know that I am not capable of lying, Knave." the Cheshire said. "I am merely enlightening our charming guest of how each and every one of us here in Wonderland are just creatures of the Queen Mother, as she grieves for being left by the King so suddenly in the fabled Red Rose Garden where they spend their days together."


The Knave pulled Alice upright and brought her to his side. "Lies. Everyone knows that there is no such garden that exists here in Wonderland. Everyone knows that the Queen Mother hates red roses."


The Cheshire Cat chuckled and grinned viciously. "The truth hurts, does it not? That you and your family were just created by the Queen Mother to act in her stead but she still has absolute power over Wonderland. Listen closely and you'll hear it in the music in the air. Listen to how it may be joyful yet it is flat and lined with grief."


"Enough." the Knave said, turning away from the garden, dragging Alice along. Alice shook away from the Knave and turned to the Cat.

"If what you say is true, then where are the Prince and Princess?" she demanded, as the Knave took her arm again forcefully. The Cheshire Cat produced another portrait.


"Is not the doll with the Queen Mother familiar?" The Cheshire Cat said. "The Princess stays with the Queen Mother in the Red Garden where once the red roses bloomed so beautiful now lay withering, joining them in their grief of losing the King Father and Brother Prince; and also where they wait for their return."


"I said enough of the lies." the Knave said, throwing a knife towards the Cheshire Cat who started to blur and disappear on the spot. "Everyone knows that the Juggernaut holds the Queen Mother somewhere dark and Alice is the only one that can reach it."


The Cheshire Cat's smile was eerie as he disappears. "Oh, of course that's what everyone knows...because it's what the Queen Mother imposed..."


o~o

Meh, just forced to draw, even if everything just drops when the nerves hit and I'll be immobilized for hours, where in truth I prefer to stare at the clouds as a lousy vagrant who had lost all light and joy...
Yes, I know I suck at group drawings...or backgrounds. But better than nothing.

And yes, I didn't make a typo with 'withering' for you might think of 'whithering'.

A Queen without a King

"So where is the Queen Mother?" Alice asked the Queen. "They say she knows the reason why the Juggernaut is molesting the countryside, and is able to put a stop to it."
"A Queen without a King is not fit to rule all of Wonderland." says the blonde male Queen to Alice. "Such is said in our law, for a lonely Queen cannot function well to sustain her people in Wonderland. I had to replace my Queen Mother to keep Wonderland running or everything here will die. Our laws state that we have to put to death the Queen without a King, but since I am the current Queen, I annulled that law."
The King chuckled. "Many of the nobles were in an uproar because such has always been the law for King-less Queens, though it does not happen quite often. Most of the time the Queen and King steps down to let the new Queen on the throne.
"It still doesn't make sense that THE Queen right now is a male." Alice retorted. "Not to mention YOU have a husband, let alone be able to produce a son."
The King and Queen laughed. "It's a peculiarity here in Wonderland, little Alice. Hasn't the Cheshire Cat told you that?"
"Everything and everyone here is mad!" Alice said exasperated, throwing her arms up in the air.
"But didn't also the Cheshire Cat said that even the mad people doesn't know they're mad?" the Queen teased. Alice scowled.

o~o

Sigh, after a couple of weeks of breakdown which I won't elaborate on...
The Wonderland that I was shaping with love and affection crumbled and now a pile of sad stories.

Even my laptop broke down on me, can you believe that? Now, I'm hijacking my mother's laptop...

Sigh...I will not draw with a 5B pencil ever again, since it's really dirty and smudge-y when erased...=-=

Anyway...The Former Queen of Hearts, which is yours truly, first design after a long time of not being able to draw at all. Clothes are inspired by Madam Red from Kuroshitsuji.

I still won't be able to draw that much...I'm still not recovered. I've tried many times to draw but failed to even produce a decent one. This is my first attempt again after all those failures. Looks stupid and it sucks. And yes, I suck at drawing feet/shoes, especially the high-heeled ones, no need to tell me that.

Guess I'm not really fit to be an artist if I base what I draw on what I feel...