Trail of Tears

Alice found a woman standing under an old Ash Tree in the Old Gardens, rumored to have a passageway to the Red Garden, to which Alice remembers vaguely of what the Cheshire Cat had said before when they first met there.

"Did you know people born with an affinity to the Ash Tree are found to be uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive and demanding? But they do not care for criticism - well, most of the time - and sometimes they are ambitious, given the right prodding." the Cheshire Cat said idly from the branch he's sitting on when he heard Alice approach the old tree. "They say they are intelligent and talented, most of the time trying to control or play with their fates. They can be egoistic but they are very reliable and trustworthy. Anyone happens to be loved by someone with such affinity is lucky for they are faithful and prudent lovers, taking their partnership seriously."


"I did not really ask about such a thing." Alice replied tartly. "I've only asked where I am for the White Rabbit seems to have ferreted away someplace I cannot reach."


Alice shook the memory away for the Cat had irritated her with his ramblings about the two trees in the Old Gardens, the other being a Chestnut tree which is planted not far from the Ash tree. She approached the woman carefully and cleared her throat lightly. The woman turned to look at her, and Alice's heart felt a wrench when she saw the saddest expression on the woman's face, her eyes cold and dull. And that was the time when Alice noticed the sword in the woman's hand, feeling the cold its steel emits.

"Who might you be?" the woman asks.

"My name's Alice." Alice replied. "I am a visitor here, or so I think for I cannot remember anything anymore as I linger here longer. And you are?"

The woman regarded Alice for a while, ignoring her question, her eyes beset with deeper sadness. "Ah, The Alice..." she thought. "The product of our last day together in the Gardens..."

Alice only blinked at the woman, then shrugged when her question wasn't answered. She looked out and saw eventide fast falling around them. A cold breeze blew past as Alice said conversationally, "I know not what brought you here, or for how long you have been living here since this is the first time we have met. But I wonder if you know anything of the Old Wonderland, where the Queen Mother rules - where everything is bright and full of joy, the air filled with lively music. Only a handful here remembers it..."

The woman looked away from Alice and into the eventide. "Yes, though it is vague to me." the woman said quietly after a few minutes silence. "I remember the time where my beloved Wonderland was full of smiles and warmth of love. Though it is a fading memory, where my family would be together when our duties do not demand anything from us." There was a painful numbness of sadness in her tone and Alice fought back her tears. Another silence passed between them. Alice was going to ask her a question when they were interrupted by the Cheshire Cat who appeared out of nowhere.

"Ah, there you are. We've been so worried about where you've gone." the Cheshire Cat said cheerfully.

"Why would you be worried about me?" Alice asked, bewildered. The Cheshire Cat gave Alice a look, then to the woman beside her. And to the sword in her hand. His hand automatically went to get it but the woman backed away.

"To answer your question, I am not worried about you." the Cheshire Cat said, looking at Alice. "If you don't mind, me and this lady needs to get going or else -"

"Your Majesty!" They heard someone cry out. They turned and saw the Juggernaut all flustered. Alice's eyes widened.

"That's the Juggernaut!" Alice gasped, turning to look at the woman. "Then this woman is -!"

The Cheshire Cat sighed and shook his head. "So much for hiding her...Nau can be really clumsy when it concerns Her Majesty..."

Alice turned to look at the Cheshire Cat, indignant. "YOU know...? And you kept it from us?"

The Cheshire Cat raised his eyebrows at her. "I am not the Cheshire Cat if I know naught." he replied a little defensively. "And didn't I say 'follow the Trail of Tears and you'll find the person everyone wants to see'?"

"Stop talking in riddles!" Alice almost screamed at him.

The Juggernaut had reached the Queen Mother, and wrested the sword away from her. Alice turned to them, trying to wedge herself between them to separate them. The Cheshire Cat rolled his eyes and deeply sighed. One of the Twin are bad enough when he bawls at the thought of wanting to be with the Royal Family.

"Do not force Mother into darkness!" Alice said, successfully separating them and she stood in front of the Queen Mother. "Mother can do it, restore all of Wonderland to its former glory and make her flourish again if you would only stop casting her back into darkness! All of Wonderland is her work of art from her heart and of her whole life! She can put her life back if she would just forget about that King who had left her without a little remorse or thought of her longer than a full turn of a season!"

"Her Majesty can only do those because of love." Juggernaut said scathingly. "She may be still be able to create things, but they are not work of the heart. They are made because they are needed, so everyone will think the Queen Mother still lives on despite of being the one always left behind!"

Alice and Juggernaut glared at each other. Then they heard a deep sigh.

"That is right." the Queen Mother said quietly. She had gone quite a few paces away from them, almost near the Chestnut tree. "Always, I am left behind. Always, I am the one who has to cope with this cold darkness and sadness. Always, when I've given everything of me, I am asked to give up what makes me happy..."

"Mother, no!" the Cheshire Cat said, alarmed when he saw a small knife in her hand.

"MOTHER!" Juggernaut and Alice both cried as they rushed to her, but the Queen Mother had reversed the knife in her hand and poised it over her heart and drove it in without hesitation. Juggernaut reached her before she fell, with Alice on his heels.

"The Wonderland that I've nurtured all these years...is not this..." the Queen Mother said, her expression pained. She looked at Alice, extending her hand. "The last flower of our union, before he had left...My dearest Alice..."

"Mother, don't speak anymore." Alice cried, holding her hand in hers.

"This is not the life that I wanted you live in..." the Queen continued. "My life...It is hard to forget everything...Of the times we have spent together. I cannot set aside everything, for my everything is us..." She looked up at the dark sky, seeing a lone star twinkling down at her.

"I only wish to be with him and our little family..." she rasped, tears flowing down her eyes. "I..." She closed her eyes. "My dear Nau..." the Queen smiled sadly. "I am sorry...now, I am no longer a burden..." Her hand, which Alice had been holding, went limp and she drew her last breath. Her eyes, once dull and empty turned vacant and unseeing.

"My Queen..." Juggernaut almost sobbed, too shock at what had just happened. "No...My Queen!!" the Juggernaut cried.

Alice sat there, holding the Queen's hand, too numb and shock. Just when finally she had found her...

"Mother..." she cried, holding the Queen's cold hand to her face. "Why? Why do you love him so? Why do you still love the King who had left you just like that?"

The Cheshire Cat looked up at the sky. He no longer hear any music that fills Wonderland. Everything is cold and sad that seeps into their very bones and heart.

"Has Wonderland come to an end before it even start to bloom?" The Cheshire Cat thought. "Has the story ended like a little bud that was carelessly cut after great care and pains of seeing it grow? If only this is all just a bad dream...If only the King...If only the Queen..."


o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Probably the last time I'd be able to draw...I don't know...

I...may not be able to get back for a long time, even if I try...

Everything is taking its toll and I can't stand the mistakes I'm making even on simple drawings whence before I don't mind...

Ah, too much words yet none reaches...too much thoughts and unformed words laying heavily in the air around me...

For now, I shall take my leave...

A Tiny Star That Cannot Shine

Juggernaut, or Nau as he preferred to be called, gazed out of the window of the cold manse where he stays. Silence filled the entire cold place. Nau sighed forlornly, turning his head towards his silent companion who sits at the far end of the room. He approached her slowly, the heels of his shoes clicking on the marble floor. His eyes, filled with sadness and despair, are fixed on his guest. The sad curve of his mouth shows how much he is trying to hold back his tears.

"You who have always shone so brightly," he thought as he reached out to touch his guest's face. "Like the rising sun, like the brightest star in the galaxy, have lost all light and joy. Your smile which is gentle and kind, that brings joy to anyone who see it, is now lost and have been replaced by a cold and sad expression."

Nau sighed as he knelt down in front of his guest. "My Queen..." he almost sobbed, laying his head down on her lap like a child would. He reached out to hold her hand, all the while still trying not to let his emotions get to him.

"You who have given everything that makes you whole..." Nau whispered sadly. "You who had always have a big warm heart that accepts anyone despite of their flaws, whose warm laughters and gentle wit makes anyone at ease is now cold to the touch, lifeless and devoid of any laughter or smile."

Nau closed his eyes, sifting through the Queen's memories which he peculiarly shares. "You who always take delight in holding your King's hand, even if you are not talking of anything significant...You who always smile despite of wanting to cry just to make your King feel relieve that you are okay...Despite of being left behind in this cold place, you still reach out your hand and yearn to be able to hold your King's hand..."


Nau fitted his hand to the Queen's and held on to it tightly as he brought it close to his eyes which are brimming with unshed tears.

"Just how much of a big heart do you have, even if you don't show it to everyone around you?" he asked quietly. "You who always want to help people in your silent ways...Doing everything you can silently on your own for your family, even when you want to give up and just cry when misunderstood by everyone around you...How come you are not tired by it?"

A cold wind gently blew into the room and Nau slowly lifted his head to get his bearings back. "The winds are getting colder...I will not permit it to make you ill." Nau said as he got up and went over to the window. He closed the window and pulled the sheer curtains close. He turned to look back at the passive Queen, seeing her memories in his mind yet again.

"You have always sought comfort and warmth in the Princess's company whenever the King is not around." Nau said, going back to his place in front of the Queen, kneeling in front of her and taking both of her hands in his as he looked into her dark, vacant eyes. "For how long do I have to wait to see you smile and hear your laugh? To see the light in your eyes as you shine brightly again? For how long do I have to see you like this, reduced to a tiny star that has forgotten to twinkle?"

Nau heard a door close and he turned his head towards it, standing in front of the Queen, his weapon in his hand.

"But no matter how long I have to wait, I will protect you." Nau thought, straining his eyes and ears for the intruder. "Until then, I will be the one who'll wipe your tears and comfort you when you need it the most. I will wait until I see your gentle smile and hear you laugh from your heart, for the coldness to be dispersed from your heart which is locked..."


He was ready to attack the intruder that reached their chamber, only to get a whiff of the familiar scent of the Cheshire Cat.

"I've been wondering why you've been so quiet all these time." the Cat said conversationally. "The people of Wonderland seems getting complacent because you've holed up once again with the Queen they're desperate to see and be with again."

Nau harrumphed. "Getting complacent because I am no longer lashing out whenever My Queen is despairing and in need to grasp what is left of her joyful self? Them, who are content in this Wonderland that My Queen did not really want to turn out like this?"

The Cheshire Cat sat down at the Queen's feet, looking at the angry Juggernaut. "I'm getting pretty jealous for you keep calling the Queen as yours. She is also My Queen, you know, for you and I are one." he said, bemused. "The first Irregulars in Wonderland, who keeps the Queen company."

Nau rolled his eyes. "You prefer to dally with the Originals."

"But it is Her Majesty's wishes." The Cat said flippantly. "Isn't that what the Cheshire Cat's role in all of those stories they tell? That the Cheshire Cat is neutral, ridiculous and the voice of the story? Our Alice is really lost on what to do so I'm just trying to...'help', if you want to call it that. Plus, it's fun needling the Twins."

o~o

Ah, so many mistakes in the drawings because of instability.

But I like experimenting on the clothes, since it's been a long time I drew such stuff...

My Dearest, My Princess

Alice sat glumly beside the young Mad Hatter, not even touching the tea Mr. Bear, Mad Hatter's "manservant", had poured for her.

"What is wrong, little Alice?" the Mad Hatter asked.

Alice gave out a heavy sigh. "The Cheshire Cat told me of a story not so long ago about the Royal Family and the Queen Mother and I don't know if I should believe it or not."

"Ah," the Mad Hatter sighed. "The Cheshire Cat is not allowed to lie, only to speak of truth in forms of riddles and stories."

"So you're saying what he said is true?" Alice said. "That everything here is just created by some depressed Queen Mother to take everyone's place?"

The Mad Hatter smiled bitterly. "I am one of the few that remains from the Original, like you."

"And the Royal Family?"

"They were just commoners before." the Mad Hatter said. "Until the Queen Mother decided that she cannot rule and continue to create Wonderland in her condition."

They heard a derisive chuckle from the other end of the table and the two of them looked. It was the Cheshire Cat.

"Another story telling, Cat?" the Mad Hatter sighed. Mr. Bear poured another cup of tea for the Cheshire Cat who sidled up to them.

"It is the only way for the Little Lost Girl to regain her memories, as well as preserve the History of Wonderland." the Cat said, taking a sip of the tea. Alice was about to ask what does the Cat means of regaining her memories when the Cat made another gesture and portraits appeared yet again.

"Once, there was a lovely Princess living in a far away kingdom." the Cheshire Cat started. "They say she has everything, that she is very blessed to have beauty and knowledge, for you see the Princess is quite the scholar and enjoys studying and the company of her books more than anything else in the kingdom."

"That's some extreme introvert Princess." Alice muttered. The Cheshire Cat gave her a look that silenced her. The Mad Hatter only chuckled sadly.

"Her people loves her so much and they live quite happily together." The Cat continued. "However, happy the people may be, but the Princess isn't wholly happy. Yes, she is happily content, yet there is this yearning in her heart to be loved by a man."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Typical."

"Do you want me to finish or not?" the Cat asked pointedly. Alice made the continue motion.

"And so, a number of young lower nobles courted the Princess. None were successful save for one. A young Viscount who managed to win her favour." The Cat continued. "Though their love may be short-lived, the Princess is greatly hurt by it in the end that she vowed she will not be swayed and swept off her feet by sweet words and their overly exquisite charm, and along that she had lost the bright smile that warms peoples' hearts. And many suitors were turned down.

"But another young noble, dared to approach her one day and said thus,

'Such face does not suit you, my lady. Pray thence, smile to bring back the joy in people's hearts as well as to make you ever so beautiful again.'

'I will not be swayed by such sweet words, sir Knight.' the Princess replied, recognizing him as the Black Knight who's starting to be popular. 'More so by men who use their charm to get women instead using their sincerity.'

"Funny, normally they make use of Knights in shiny white armours in our versions." Alice muttered to herself. The Mad Hatter stifled a chuckle.

'Alas,' the Knight said dramatically, 'I am not one of those men whom you bespeak, men who uses means to get women. I am the latter, who uses sincerity and true love.'

'You cannot fool me.' the Princess replied haughtily. 'Men are all the same. Once they get the woman, after a few months they leave since there's no longer joy and glory in brandishing trophies and will move on to get another one.'

The Knight held out a hand to her. 'Let me be the one to change your views, my lady. I am not really one to woo women with sweet, lying words. Many says I am not the most charming Knight, for they do not understand how much I will treasure the woman I will love forever.'

'Forever is presumptuous,' the Princess said. 'Not many would stay that way for long.'

The Knight held her hand to his heart. 'Then let me change your views.' "

The Cheshire Cat took a long sip of the tea, leaving Alice a little annoyed.

"And then?" Alice asked.

"Oh, I didn't know you were so interested in the story." the Cat said, putting on an innocent look. Alice glowered and the Cat just laughed in his seat.

"The story is like any other." the Mad Hatter said gently. "They lived for a few years happily, the Knight's heart soaring whenever he hears her laugh or see her smile, with the Princess giving everything of her to the man who had changed her views. He calls her 'My little Princess', and she calls him 'My Dearest' and wore their rings as if married already. And then one day, he went missing, leaving the poor Princess hurt and crying once more."

"And the Princess went missing also, along with her smile yet again. Probably locked herself up in the garden of calla lilies, roses and irises where they spend a lot of time together." the Cheshire Cat added, lounging in his seat. "Though the ending is more like some cliff hanger...no one really knows what the ending is."

Alice frowned. "Hang on, that sounds familiar..."

The Cat grinned. "Of course, the story's an allegory of Wonderland, little Alice. Didn't I just say it's a way to preserve the History of Wonderland?"

o~o

Yeah well. Made a lot of mistakes in drawing. Hard to draw when one's mind and hand are not stable, with the danger of tears spilling all over my limited papers at hand. But hey, I like the clothes at the last two drawings, thanks to xxxHolic's Yuko with a few modifications.

I was too lazy to redraw the whole Black Knight again on that tiny piece of paper (running out of pen ink and sketchpad space) so here's the link for the complete one: Of Knights and Fire Emblem