Doodles

So...I got this new plaything...
A new tablet to replace my faulty one.

Since it's been a long time since I drew digitally, I decided to doodle as always, trying out openCanvas.


Haven't fully explored everything just yet...

Though I guess I can't really go back to drawing fully detailed anime...


I had hurt my hand when I tried earlier with my new toy.

But I'll still try.

There's something fulfilling in being able to do such things.


And oh yeah. Yesterday, I ate a lot of donuts like hell.

One King Bavarian.
3 Classic Bavarian.
2 Swiss Mocha Bavarian.

And for lunch, it was ham and cheese croissant.

Boy General

So, I've decided to pick up my own country's history again.
I've always been fascinated by the Boy General of the Philippines, ever since we studied our history despite of having boring history lessons in school.

There's already a lot out there about Dr. Jose Rizal that I don't want to add to it.....he's too popular he's almost overused.....And don't take me to be a nationalist or something....I just thought it'd be fun to construct a story out of our own history.....

And because I got too hooked up yet again in Japanese history (the Sengoku and a little Edo Period), I thought, "Hey, maybe spicing things up in our own history the way they do seems fun and giving out history lessons the fun way"......

was my thoughts when I started. But I got a little stumped over the designs for a really long time.

Not to mention I haven't really tried drawing older men....it's quite a challenge I still haven't overcome......

Sigh...

For now, I only managed to doodle out the Boy General....

sigh.

Adventurer Princess

Had this weird dream that I'm a cross-dressing blond adventurer....and when some other adventurers wanted to meet the princess, I ran off and swam back to the palace, got changed and was brushing my long curly pink hair.

And when I woke up, I'm like "what the hell did I do to have those kind of dreams?"

Some doodles

Yeah...some doodles I've worked on.
I tried watercolor pencils. They turned out to look more like color pencils than watercolor.

 Well, I don't have any scanners so I have to settle for my phone camera and a little Photoshop cleaning.

I like the second one though.

Trail of Tears

Alice found a woman standing under an old Ash Tree in the Old Gardens, rumored to have a passageway to the Red Garden, to which Alice remembers vaguely of what the Cheshire Cat had said before when they first met there.

"Did you know people born with an affinity to the Ash Tree are found to be uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive and demanding? But they do not care for criticism - well, most of the time - and sometimes they are ambitious, given the right prodding." the Cheshire Cat said idly from the branch he's sitting on when he heard Alice approach the old tree. "They say they are intelligent and talented, most of the time trying to control or play with their fates. They can be egoistic but they are very reliable and trustworthy. Anyone happens to be loved by someone with such affinity is lucky for they are faithful and prudent lovers, taking their partnership seriously."


"I did not really ask about such a thing." Alice replied tartly. "I've only asked where I am for the White Rabbit seems to have ferreted away someplace I cannot reach."


Alice shook the memory away for the Cat had irritated her with his ramblings about the two trees in the Old Gardens, the other being a Chestnut tree which is planted not far from the Ash tree. She approached the woman carefully and cleared her throat lightly. The woman turned to look at her, and Alice's heart felt a wrench when she saw the saddest expression on the woman's face, her eyes cold and dull. And that was the time when Alice noticed the sword in the woman's hand, feeling the cold its steel emits.

"Who might you be?" the woman asks.

"My name's Alice." Alice replied. "I am a visitor here, or so I think for I cannot remember anything anymore as I linger here longer. And you are?"

The woman regarded Alice for a while, ignoring her question, her eyes beset with deeper sadness. "Ah, The Alice..." she thought. "The product of our last day together in the Gardens..."

Alice only blinked at the woman, then shrugged when her question wasn't answered. She looked out and saw eventide fast falling around them. A cold breeze blew past as Alice said conversationally, "I know not what brought you here, or for how long you have been living here since this is the first time we have met. But I wonder if you know anything of the Old Wonderland, where the Queen Mother rules - where everything is bright and full of joy, the air filled with lively music. Only a handful here remembers it..."

The woman looked away from Alice and into the eventide. "Yes, though it is vague to me." the woman said quietly after a few minutes silence. "I remember the time where my beloved Wonderland was full of smiles and warmth of love. Though it is a fading memory, where my family would be together when our duties do not demand anything from us." There was a painful numbness of sadness in her tone and Alice fought back her tears. Another silence passed between them. Alice was going to ask her a question when they were interrupted by the Cheshire Cat who appeared out of nowhere.

"Ah, there you are. We've been so worried about where you've gone." the Cheshire Cat said cheerfully.

"Why would you be worried about me?" Alice asked, bewildered. The Cheshire Cat gave Alice a look, then to the woman beside her. And to the sword in her hand. His hand automatically went to get it but the woman backed away.

"To answer your question, I am not worried about you." the Cheshire Cat said, looking at Alice. "If you don't mind, me and this lady needs to get going or else -"

"Your Majesty!" They heard someone cry out. They turned and saw the Juggernaut all flustered. Alice's eyes widened.

"That's the Juggernaut!" Alice gasped, turning to look at the woman. "Then this woman is -!"

The Cheshire Cat sighed and shook his head. "So much for hiding her...Nau can be really clumsy when it concerns Her Majesty..."

Alice turned to look at the Cheshire Cat, indignant. "YOU know...? And you kept it from us?"

The Cheshire Cat raised his eyebrows at her. "I am not the Cheshire Cat if I know naught." he replied a little defensively. "And didn't I say 'follow the Trail of Tears and you'll find the person everyone wants to see'?"

"Stop talking in riddles!" Alice almost screamed at him.

The Juggernaut had reached the Queen Mother, and wrested the sword away from her. Alice turned to them, trying to wedge herself between them to separate them. The Cheshire Cat rolled his eyes and deeply sighed. One of the Twin are bad enough when he bawls at the thought of wanting to be with the Royal Family.

"Do not force Mother into darkness!" Alice said, successfully separating them and she stood in front of the Queen Mother. "Mother can do it, restore all of Wonderland to its former glory and make her flourish again if you would only stop casting her back into darkness! All of Wonderland is her work of art from her heart and of her whole life! She can put her life back if she would just forget about that King who had left her without a little remorse or thought of her longer than a full turn of a season!"

"Her Majesty can only do those because of love." Juggernaut said scathingly. "She may be still be able to create things, but they are not work of the heart. They are made because they are needed, so everyone will think the Queen Mother still lives on despite of being the one always left behind!"

Alice and Juggernaut glared at each other. Then they heard a deep sigh.

"That is right." the Queen Mother said quietly. She had gone quite a few paces away from them, almost near the Chestnut tree. "Always, I am left behind. Always, I am the one who has to cope with this cold darkness and sadness. Always, when I've given everything of me, I am asked to give up what makes me happy..."

"Mother, no!" the Cheshire Cat said, alarmed when he saw a small knife in her hand.

"MOTHER!" Juggernaut and Alice both cried as they rushed to her, but the Queen Mother had reversed the knife in her hand and poised it over her heart and drove it in without hesitation. Juggernaut reached her before she fell, with Alice on his heels.

"The Wonderland that I've nurtured all these years...is not this..." the Queen Mother said, her expression pained. She looked at Alice, extending her hand. "The last flower of our union, before he had left...My dearest Alice..."

"Mother, don't speak anymore." Alice cried, holding her hand in hers.

"This is not the life that I wanted you live in..." the Queen continued. "My life...It is hard to forget everything...Of the times we have spent together. I cannot set aside everything, for my everything is us..." She looked up at the dark sky, seeing a lone star twinkling down at her.

"I only wish to be with him and our little family..." she rasped, tears flowing down her eyes. "I..." She closed her eyes. "My dear Nau..." the Queen smiled sadly. "I am sorry...now, I am no longer a burden..." Her hand, which Alice had been holding, went limp and she drew her last breath. Her eyes, once dull and empty turned vacant and unseeing.

"My Queen..." Juggernaut almost sobbed, too shock at what had just happened. "No...My Queen!!" the Juggernaut cried.

Alice sat there, holding the Queen's hand, too numb and shock. Just when finally she had found her...

"Mother..." she cried, holding the Queen's cold hand to her face. "Why? Why do you love him so? Why do you still love the King who had left you just like that?"

The Cheshire Cat looked up at the sky. He no longer hear any music that fills Wonderland. Everything is cold and sad that seeps into their very bones and heart.

"Has Wonderland come to an end before it even start to bloom?" The Cheshire Cat thought. "Has the story ended like a little bud that was carelessly cut after great care and pains of seeing it grow? If only this is all just a bad dream...If only the King...If only the Queen..."


o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Probably the last time I'd be able to draw...I don't know...

I...may not be able to get back for a long time, even if I try...

Everything is taking its toll and I can't stand the mistakes I'm making even on simple drawings whence before I don't mind...

Ah, too much words yet none reaches...too much thoughts and unformed words laying heavily in the air around me...

For now, I shall take my leave...

A Tiny Star That Cannot Shine

Juggernaut, or Nau as he preferred to be called, gazed out of the window of the cold manse where he stays. Silence filled the entire cold place. Nau sighed forlornly, turning his head towards his silent companion who sits at the far end of the room. He approached her slowly, the heels of his shoes clicking on the marble floor. His eyes, filled with sadness and despair, are fixed on his guest. The sad curve of his mouth shows how much he is trying to hold back his tears.

"You who have always shone so brightly," he thought as he reached out to touch his guest's face. "Like the rising sun, like the brightest star in the galaxy, have lost all light and joy. Your smile which is gentle and kind, that brings joy to anyone who see it, is now lost and have been replaced by a cold and sad expression."

Nau sighed as he knelt down in front of his guest. "My Queen..." he almost sobbed, laying his head down on her lap like a child would. He reached out to hold her hand, all the while still trying not to let his emotions get to him.

"You who have given everything that makes you whole..." Nau whispered sadly. "You who had always have a big warm heart that accepts anyone despite of their flaws, whose warm laughters and gentle wit makes anyone at ease is now cold to the touch, lifeless and devoid of any laughter or smile."

Nau closed his eyes, sifting through the Queen's memories which he peculiarly shares. "You who always take delight in holding your King's hand, even if you are not talking of anything significant...You who always smile despite of wanting to cry just to make your King feel relieve that you are okay...Despite of being left behind in this cold place, you still reach out your hand and yearn to be able to hold your King's hand..."


Nau fitted his hand to the Queen's and held on to it tightly as he brought it close to his eyes which are brimming with unshed tears.

"Just how much of a big heart do you have, even if you don't show it to everyone around you?" he asked quietly. "You who always want to help people in your silent ways...Doing everything you can silently on your own for your family, even when you want to give up and just cry when misunderstood by everyone around you...How come you are not tired by it?"

A cold wind gently blew into the room and Nau slowly lifted his head to get his bearings back. "The winds are getting colder...I will not permit it to make you ill." Nau said as he got up and went over to the window. He closed the window and pulled the sheer curtains close. He turned to look back at the passive Queen, seeing her memories in his mind yet again.

"You have always sought comfort and warmth in the Princess's company whenever the King is not around." Nau said, going back to his place in front of the Queen, kneeling in front of her and taking both of her hands in his as he looked into her dark, vacant eyes. "For how long do I have to wait to see you smile and hear your laugh? To see the light in your eyes as you shine brightly again? For how long do I have to see you like this, reduced to a tiny star that has forgotten to twinkle?"

Nau heard a door close and he turned his head towards it, standing in front of the Queen, his weapon in his hand.

"But no matter how long I have to wait, I will protect you." Nau thought, straining his eyes and ears for the intruder. "Until then, I will be the one who'll wipe your tears and comfort you when you need it the most. I will wait until I see your gentle smile and hear you laugh from your heart, for the coldness to be dispersed from your heart which is locked..."


He was ready to attack the intruder that reached their chamber, only to get a whiff of the familiar scent of the Cheshire Cat.

"I've been wondering why you've been so quiet all these time." the Cat said conversationally. "The people of Wonderland seems getting complacent because you've holed up once again with the Queen they're desperate to see and be with again."

Nau harrumphed. "Getting complacent because I am no longer lashing out whenever My Queen is despairing and in need to grasp what is left of her joyful self? Them, who are content in this Wonderland that My Queen did not really want to turn out like this?"

The Cheshire Cat sat down at the Queen's feet, looking at the angry Juggernaut. "I'm getting pretty jealous for you keep calling the Queen as yours. She is also My Queen, you know, for you and I are one." he said, bemused. "The first Irregulars in Wonderland, who keeps the Queen company."

Nau rolled his eyes. "You prefer to dally with the Originals."

"But it is Her Majesty's wishes." The Cat said flippantly. "Isn't that what the Cheshire Cat's role in all of those stories they tell? That the Cheshire Cat is neutral, ridiculous and the voice of the story? Our Alice is really lost on what to do so I'm just trying to...'help', if you want to call it that. Plus, it's fun needling the Twins."

o~o

Ah, so many mistakes in the drawings because of instability.

But I like experimenting on the clothes, since it's been a long time I drew such stuff...

My Dearest, My Princess

Alice sat glumly beside the young Mad Hatter, not even touching the tea Mr. Bear, Mad Hatter's "manservant", had poured for her.

"What is wrong, little Alice?" the Mad Hatter asked.

Alice gave out a heavy sigh. "The Cheshire Cat told me of a story not so long ago about the Royal Family and the Queen Mother and I don't know if I should believe it or not."

"Ah," the Mad Hatter sighed. "The Cheshire Cat is not allowed to lie, only to speak of truth in forms of riddles and stories."

"So you're saying what he said is true?" Alice said. "That everything here is just created by some depressed Queen Mother to take everyone's place?"

The Mad Hatter smiled bitterly. "I am one of the few that remains from the Original, like you."

"And the Royal Family?"

"They were just commoners before." the Mad Hatter said. "Until the Queen Mother decided that she cannot rule and continue to create Wonderland in her condition."

They heard a derisive chuckle from the other end of the table and the two of them looked. It was the Cheshire Cat.

"Another story telling, Cat?" the Mad Hatter sighed. Mr. Bear poured another cup of tea for the Cheshire Cat who sidled up to them.

"It is the only way for the Little Lost Girl to regain her memories, as well as preserve the History of Wonderland." the Cat said, taking a sip of the tea. Alice was about to ask what does the Cat means of regaining her memories when the Cat made another gesture and portraits appeared yet again.

"Once, there was a lovely Princess living in a far away kingdom." the Cheshire Cat started. "They say she has everything, that she is very blessed to have beauty and knowledge, for you see the Princess is quite the scholar and enjoys studying and the company of her books more than anything else in the kingdom."

"That's some extreme introvert Princess." Alice muttered. The Cheshire Cat gave her a look that silenced her. The Mad Hatter only chuckled sadly.

"Her people loves her so much and they live quite happily together." The Cat continued. "However, happy the people may be, but the Princess isn't wholly happy. Yes, she is happily content, yet there is this yearning in her heart to be loved by a man."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Typical."

"Do you want me to finish or not?" the Cat asked pointedly. Alice made the continue motion.

"And so, a number of young lower nobles courted the Princess. None were successful save for one. A young Viscount who managed to win her favour." The Cat continued. "Though their love may be short-lived, the Princess is greatly hurt by it in the end that she vowed she will not be swayed and swept off her feet by sweet words and their overly exquisite charm, and along that she had lost the bright smile that warms peoples' hearts. And many suitors were turned down.

"But another young noble, dared to approach her one day and said thus,

'Such face does not suit you, my lady. Pray thence, smile to bring back the joy in people's hearts as well as to make you ever so beautiful again.'

'I will not be swayed by such sweet words, sir Knight.' the Princess replied, recognizing him as the Black Knight who's starting to be popular. 'More so by men who use their charm to get women instead using their sincerity.'

"Funny, normally they make use of Knights in shiny white armours in our versions." Alice muttered to herself. The Mad Hatter stifled a chuckle.

'Alas,' the Knight said dramatically, 'I am not one of those men whom you bespeak, men who uses means to get women. I am the latter, who uses sincerity and true love.'

'You cannot fool me.' the Princess replied haughtily. 'Men are all the same. Once they get the woman, after a few months they leave since there's no longer joy and glory in brandishing trophies and will move on to get another one.'

The Knight held out a hand to her. 'Let me be the one to change your views, my lady. I am not really one to woo women with sweet, lying words. Many says I am not the most charming Knight, for they do not understand how much I will treasure the woman I will love forever.'

'Forever is presumptuous,' the Princess said. 'Not many would stay that way for long.'

The Knight held her hand to his heart. 'Then let me change your views.' "

The Cheshire Cat took a long sip of the tea, leaving Alice a little annoyed.

"And then?" Alice asked.

"Oh, I didn't know you were so interested in the story." the Cat said, putting on an innocent look. Alice glowered and the Cat just laughed in his seat.

"The story is like any other." the Mad Hatter said gently. "They lived for a few years happily, the Knight's heart soaring whenever he hears her laugh or see her smile, with the Princess giving everything of her to the man who had changed her views. He calls her 'My little Princess', and she calls him 'My Dearest' and wore their rings as if married already. And then one day, he went missing, leaving the poor Princess hurt and crying once more."

"And the Princess went missing also, along with her smile yet again. Probably locked herself up in the garden of calla lilies, roses and irises where they spend a lot of time together." the Cheshire Cat added, lounging in his seat. "Though the ending is more like some cliff hanger...no one really knows what the ending is."

Alice frowned. "Hang on, that sounds familiar..."

The Cat grinned. "Of course, the story's an allegory of Wonderland, little Alice. Didn't I just say it's a way to preserve the History of Wonderland?"

o~o

Yeah well. Made a lot of mistakes in drawing. Hard to draw when one's mind and hand are not stable, with the danger of tears spilling all over my limited papers at hand. But hey, I like the clothes at the last two drawings, thanks to xxxHolic's Yuko with a few modifications.

I was too lazy to redraw the whole Black Knight again on that tiny piece of paper (running out of pen ink and sketchpad space) so here's the link for the complete one: Of Knights and Fire Emblem

Of Royal Hearts

The Cheshire Cat appeared in front of Alice as she sat idly in the white roses garden the Queen owns.
"Why so glum, little girl?" the Cat asked. Alice sighed and gestured around her.


"The Queen of Hearts is partial to red, yet her roses are white." Alice said. "It just makes me wonder why is that? And the palace is devoid of any joy despite of the Queen Mother deposed and missing..."


"Ah..." The Cheshire Cat grinned. "Let me tell you the story of the Royal Family and of why Wonderland is such a glum place..."


Alice sat up intently. The Cheshire Cat gestured and two portraits of the Royal family appeared.

"To the left is the original Royal Hearts. Every day, the Queen and the King, along with the Prince and Princess, would go to the garden full of red roses that bloomed from the first six roses the King gave to the Queen when they were betrothed and have fun by the swing. Every day is full of joy and overflowing love from the King and Queen. Granted, the Queen may be a little bit eccentric in her festivals but everyone enjoys it. Lively music, hearty laughters and big smiles are abundant in the streets of Wonderland."


"Hang on," Alice interrupted. "I don't see the current Queen there..."


The Cheshire Cat shushed Alice and gestured to the right.
"This is the current Royal Family, as you know. But the King and Queen aren't really related to the Queen Mother, hence they do not have the absolute power to bring back the bright splendour of Wonderland."


"And what lies are you spouting now, Cheshire Cat?" the Knave, or Jack as he prefer to be called, of Hearts, the current Royal Prince, said as he stepped into the garden. The Cheshire Cat gave "The Messenger" bow to the Prince.


"You know that I am not capable of lying, Knave." the Cheshire said. "I am merely enlightening our charming guest of how each and every one of us here in Wonderland are just creatures of the Queen Mother, as she grieves for being left by the King so suddenly in the fabled Red Rose Garden where they spend their days together."


The Knave pulled Alice upright and brought her to his side. "Lies. Everyone knows that there is no such garden that exists here in Wonderland. Everyone knows that the Queen Mother hates red roses."


The Cheshire Cat chuckled and grinned viciously. "The truth hurts, does it not? That you and your family were just created by the Queen Mother to act in her stead but she still has absolute power over Wonderland. Listen closely and you'll hear it in the music in the air. Listen to how it may be joyful yet it is flat and lined with grief."


"Enough." the Knave said, turning away from the garden, dragging Alice along. Alice shook away from the Knave and turned to the Cat.

"If what you say is true, then where are the Prince and Princess?" she demanded, as the Knave took her arm again forcefully. The Cheshire Cat produced another portrait.


"Is not the doll with the Queen Mother familiar?" The Cheshire Cat said. "The Princess stays with the Queen Mother in the Red Garden where once the red roses bloomed so beautiful now lay withering, joining them in their grief of losing the King Father and Brother Prince; and also where they wait for their return."


"I said enough of the lies." the Knave said, throwing a knife towards the Cheshire Cat who started to blur and disappear on the spot. "Everyone knows that the Juggernaut holds the Queen Mother somewhere dark and Alice is the only one that can reach it."


The Cheshire Cat's smile was eerie as he disappears. "Oh, of course that's what everyone knows...because it's what the Queen Mother imposed..."


o~o

Meh, just forced to draw, even if everything just drops when the nerves hit and I'll be immobilized for hours, where in truth I prefer to stare at the clouds as a lousy vagrant who had lost all light and joy...
Yes, I know I suck at group drawings...or backgrounds. But better than nothing.

And yes, I didn't make a typo with 'withering' for you might think of 'whithering'.

A Queen without a King

"So where is the Queen Mother?" Alice asked the Queen. "They say she knows the reason why the Juggernaut is molesting the countryside, and is able to put a stop to it."
"A Queen without a King is not fit to rule all of Wonderland." says the blonde male Queen to Alice. "Such is said in our law, for a lonely Queen cannot function well to sustain her people in Wonderland. I had to replace my Queen Mother to keep Wonderland running or everything here will die. Our laws state that we have to put to death the Queen without a King, but since I am the current Queen, I annulled that law."
The King chuckled. "Many of the nobles were in an uproar because such has always been the law for King-less Queens, though it does not happen quite often. Most of the time the Queen and King steps down to let the new Queen on the throne.
"It still doesn't make sense that THE Queen right now is a male." Alice retorted. "Not to mention YOU have a husband, let alone be able to produce a son."
The King and Queen laughed. "It's a peculiarity here in Wonderland, little Alice. Hasn't the Cheshire Cat told you that?"
"Everything and everyone here is mad!" Alice said exasperated, throwing her arms up in the air.
"But didn't also the Cheshire Cat said that even the mad people doesn't know they're mad?" the Queen teased. Alice scowled.

o~o

Sigh, after a couple of weeks of breakdown which I won't elaborate on...
The Wonderland that I was shaping with love and affection crumbled and now a pile of sad stories.

Even my laptop broke down on me, can you believe that? Now, I'm hijacking my mother's laptop...

Sigh...I will not draw with a 5B pencil ever again, since it's really dirty and smudge-y when erased...=-=

Anyway...The Former Queen of Hearts, which is yours truly, first design after a long time of not being able to draw at all. Clothes are inspired by Madam Red from Kuroshitsuji.

I still won't be able to draw that much...I'm still not recovered. I've tried many times to draw but failed to even produce a decent one. This is my first attempt again after all those failures. Looks stupid and it sucks. And yes, I suck at drawing feet/shoes, especially the high-heeled ones, no need to tell me that.

Guess I'm not really fit to be an artist if I base what I draw on what I feel...

Du fehlst mir

Many ways to say "I miss you" for a love one...

I'm just feeling sentimental and whatnot, please don't mind it much...

For some reason, I feel the German language as a "lonely" language...
Since the French language is the "romantic" language, the British-English "sophisticated"...and so on...

Ah, I'm rambling.

The sentimentality is getting into me. Must bounce back to being bubbly soon or I'll drag myself down...

Portrait Typography

Eh yeah, my second go on Portrait Typography. Vanity at its best.

The first one that I made doesn't deserve to see the light of the day.

I'm still new at this and I find it quite fun, even if a little frustrating at times.

Ah, a new past time when I can't think of anything for my Project Alice.

Love Typography

There are many ways to say "I love you" but it all means the same thing.

...
I'm saying sorry if I misspelled some or something like that...I just copied them off from a list online...

I was bored and curious about typography so yeah...

A little experiment here and there. So I apologize if some of the fonts are a mess...

Origami mornings

Eh yeah...
I was seized to make some paper crane instead of making a storyboard that popped into my head last night the moment I woke up today. It's been a long time since I made one and have completely forgotten how so I looked it up again.

This one is not really pretty but it's a start.

And I found some nice papers too when I looked around for something to fold...

Eh, at least I'm 999 paper cranes away from making my own Senbazuru...

[Edit]

I know this blog's for illustrated artworks and demo reels...
But I just want to share it.
Maybe I should change this blog to something else...

Eh, too lazy. It'll just be a jumble of everyday blog updates.

Ich will einfach alles zu vergessen und alles mit dir glucklich sein, nur du

First and foremost, I'm sorry for my bad German. OTL I haven't really started studying rigorously for any languages at all. I have a lot of pending languages to learn, like French, Japanese, German...And a little bit of this and that.

Second, I feel somewhat miserable though I still try to smile for others around me...

When one tries all their best to save a relationship and make it work again, sometimes they just end up ruining it more. And both parties get unhappy despite they love each other so much, both sides blaming themselves because of the tears that was shed.

Third, here's a sad tune for anyone who bothers : Brahms - Sonata No.3 D Minor

[EDIT]

I know I'm not much of an artist when I can just produce something when I'm feeling something. But I do try to break that habit, one tiny step at a time...

The Right Time?

"Just when is the right time for us to give up, to let go of something we've always treasured and cared for? Is there even a right time to end things with the person you've devoted your heart to for the longest time?"

Eh...
I still ended up with my own crappy style. I was trying to draw in a different way but...meh...

Playlist:

Departures by Egoist
My Dearest by Supercell
Precious by ViViD
Fake by ViViD
Bokura no Mirai by LM.C

I was suppose to do a fan art of God Eater but yeah...I just had to get this one out of my system.

Been feeling sad lately about things.

This Journey

[Edit]

"I've already hurt you far too much, I'm not even sure if I even still deserve to see you smile, let alone be with you..." The young Duke said, looking at her with sad eyes.
"It's alright. I'll continue on this journey with you, even if you want me to go to a safer place. I'm happy to be by your side and see this through the end. Even if I get hurt over and over, I'll just smile the hurt away so I can see you smile once again." The young Duchess replied, smiling while tears threaten to spill from her eyes. "Even for a little while longer...I want to stay by your side."
The Young Duke only looked at her in the eyes. "Do I even really deserve you...?"

[/Edit]

Sad thoughts. u_u

Eh, just some thoughts for the young Duke and Duchess for my Project Alice. This is when they were younger, way before Alice get into Wonderland.

Though it looks more like a Romeo and Juliet. =-= ;;

Sad music?  Brahms - Sonata No. 2 D Minor (Allegro)

Clouded by love? Debussy L'Isle Joyeuse

Moonlight Memories? Chopin - Piano Concerto No.1 in E minor, Mov. 2

Alice sketches

I did this last night on my sketchpad but was too lazy to upload it since I have to use my phone camera to capture it (yes, I don't have a scanner...). And lighting inside the bedroom isn't really ideal for taking pictures.

Anyways, here are a few characters/babies I've been planning to cast for my Project Alice.

From left to right:

>Dormouse (Namiki)

>Tweedle Dum (Sui) and Tweedle Dee (Sora)

>White Rabbit (Bunny-chan)

>Alice (New addition to the family)

>Mad Hatter (Dion)

The others are still in progress since I can't decide on designs. I wanted it to have a CLAMP look but oh well...

I just have to settle for what I can do for now.

And also, I'm planning to make a different blog site for this project once it's ready to go...

But that won't come any time soon.

Project Alice v2.0

So yeah, before I also have a project with the same name but it didn't manage to survive for some reasons I'd rather not disclose.
So for now, I'm going to try again, with this concept. I actually have the first few sketches for Alice but she's still not quite fleshed out yet, nor does her companions.

As for the Red Queen, here's some concept...

I'm also trying to flesh out the story line, since I'm planning it to be something like Gintama with their random episodes and the cuteness of Hetalia but I still can't quite manage it to fit. I hate it when I'm too formal when it comes to constructing stories...

I need more flexibility...

Sketches Scraps

So yeah, they've quite piled up quite well inside my phone. Sketches and whatnot I made using my finger.

But at least I'm getting well on it.

And it was just lately that I've realized that I really prefer softer brushes/brush strokes compared to vivid ones...

Oh yeah, I just tried to draw some clothes and it turn out quite okay, even if it's just simple......

There are other sketches that won't be seeing the light of the day because it's complete trash....OTL

[EDIT]

Yeah, it's time for the faceless drawing for me. Because whenever I try to put a face on it, it's somewhat ruined....

Valentine D'aw

Here's one of my takes for Valentines since I'm planning to make a male version d'aw too.

Wasn't much in the mood when doing this...
I despise that background but I can't just leave it white...

"Every girl/woman needs to be pampered every now and then by their partners to keep the flame of romance going. There's nothing wrong in making a girl feel special every once in a while..."

....

I like that teddy bear though...
Who can resist adorable stuff toys anyway?

A bit of scenery

Eh, just some practice/experiment on backgrounds...
I mean, I've been concentrated too much on designing characters and giving them no background so everything looks so....plain?

Sai is a lot of help compared to Photoshop when it comes to my coloring. I get what I wanted at once.

I was trying to have a wave-against-a-cliff scenery but I don't think I got it right somehow...
I wasn't really aiming for a realistic wave nor a cartoon-ish wave. .I just feel like it didn't work out that much at all...

Though it looks okay...

Meh, time to give some time to Acrylic and Crayon brushes instead of focusing on the Water color...

And on a side note, it was suppose to be a representation of Debussy's L'Isle Joyeuse but it ended up as Brahms Violin Sonata no. 3.....

Happy Coffee Dreams

Three days after my pre-Valentine post, I had a splendid dream where I get to talk and hang out with Ma-Oh.

Leading up to that splendid dream was really bad, and I don't like dwelling on them for too long. It was really quite unexpected for me to dream about Ma-Oh walking up to me to cheer me up, even buying me coffee and chatting.

Though I have no idea how we've communicated since he's Japanese and I'm not really fluent with the language. But before we did part (and me waking up), he smiled at me, waved and said "See you later" in Japanese and went off.

After that, a really big smile is plastered on my face when I woke up. Even if it's just a dream, I'm happy that I'm able to hang out with him.

Here's some music from them that can make you smile just by listening (you can go look for the English translation yourself, too lazy to put it up) :

LM.C Marble-S
LM.C Tiny Circus
LM.C Love Me?

And last but not the least:

LM.C It's a Wonderful Wonder World

And oh yeah, before I forget...
It looks like Sai and me are getting along well compared to Photoshop.....

Pre-Valentine (Delusion?)

Haha, so yeah.
Just some quick doodle in Sai.

Since I was thinking of doing something for Valentines...

I drew myself, thinking of Ma-Oh (King Maya) from LM.C being my Valentine's date. And my BF going like "Yeah, fine. You always ditch me anyway..."

Damn, he (my BF) is really cute when he does that...XD

As for Ma-Oh, I remember swooning (and still swooning) over the fact that he did wore tux/suit and he's still sexy. Well, he's sexy in whatever he wears.

I would have opted to draw his new hairstyle and haircolor (smexy hot pink), but his hair before really suits the tux so...XD

Here's the music video where he wore that tux/suit : LM.C Super Duper Galaxy

As for the real Valentine concept, I'm still thinking on it...

Finger Drawing

So yeah...
After night after night of not being able to draw on my sketchpad because they keep on shutting the light off when I'm in the mood (and too lazy to open it again because the bedroom's really cozy when it's semi dark), I've finally decided to download that Application for my phone which will enable me to doodle.

I know the Galaxy Note is better but hey, I'm not really trying to draw something exotic. I'm a simple person.

So yeah, the top photo was my first trial on the app. I got really frustrated with the face so I just let it faceless.

As for my second trial, the one on the right, is passable for a trial. I've never really had drawn with my fingers.

I just used my fingers for smudging craypas and pencil shades. But never for actual drawing.
The hard part for this is not of the drawing, but to get the watermark on them when I've exported it to Photoshop.

...

So in the end, all I wanted to say is...


I have no idea what I'm doing. XD

[Edit]

I know I've overdone the second photo...but meh...

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Now that you've read the title......Hong Bao Na Lai~!!! XD

Meh, after two years of neglecting Sai, it reappeared again when I was "cleaning".

And since the Year of the Water Dragon's almost here, might as well start Sai with these dragons.

=-= It just seem appropriate that Maki and Namiki be the ones in the Year of the Dragon...
Sai seems to be more "natural" to me compared to Photoshop.....oh well

Of Knights and Fire Emblem

Meh, I can't think of any decent title.
So yeah, I keep forgetting to put in watermarks for my works. =-= A big failing on my part.
No matter, they are just sketches and doodles...
Plus, it's all ME. Anyone dares to steal my face can go to hell.

Ahem.
Anyways.
Two nights ago, my BF asked me to draw him in a knight armor. For what reason, I have no idea. He probably sensed that I'm pretty bored (not surprising really, I'm always bored).
However, as what my drawings had shown so far, is that I'm not good with armors and such (even though I effin love Medieval Fantasy type genre).
So I had to fall back to my only peg, the Fire Emblem series. If it wasn't for Fire Emblem, I might not be that much involved in gaming...

Ahem. I'm babbling..so, on with it.

I seem to remember his username starts with "Black Knight", and I immediately thought of Zelgius of Fire Emblem. I know I should be thinking of Batman....
So I pegged this Zelgius - Black Knight Armor for this art minus Alondite, since I can't draw weaponry to save my sorry hide.

[EDIT]

I would have gone for Hector of Ostia as a peg but...=-= Hector's my most favorite character of all, apart from Soren, Ike -the list goes on-....

Allegretto Giocoso/Animato

"What would become of me, if I have to let go Art that had always been the biggest part of my life. The Art that made me who I am today?"

Such depressing thoughts.

Haha just kidding. I finished this some days ago but I'm really too lazy to upload it. I wasn't really in the mood of making too bright drawings that day so yeah...

To be honest, I am thinking along those lines for the past few months. But I'm not really thinking gravely of it.
There's nothing much to be gained if one stays depressed in that stink hole of a depression (lolwut).

Gotta keep smiling.
Gotta keep on moving forward to a better future.
Gotta keep on taking risks and enjoying life to the fullest (even if one is unemployed as of the moment).

Malinconico: Ce sentiment violet et gris

Ah, this gray and purple feeling.

It's so depressing...

Where life plans don't go the way you want it...

It's unnerving that Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 suits the mood for tonight. It shouldn't be that way, since this piece gives off a lighter mood compared to gloomy...

Ah, my dearest Mozart...why can't thou enlighten my saddest days as thou hath done so in the past?

Meh, so much for being resolute...